Really, I don't know. It's very confusing. I want to be taken care of and to be left alone at the same time. I want people to feel sorry for me, I want to feel sorry for myself. No, actually, I'm fine. Go away. I told you it's confusing!
I was talking to Allison about this. I told her that this is hard for me because I'm a back of the audience kind of person and all of a sudden I'm on the stage with a big spotlight on me.
One thing I want that I can actually verbalize is that I want to make it to the end of the 6 rounds of chemo. And I might want to quit before then. I've heard a good amount of people don't make it to the end. So I need all of you to be my cheerleaders! Encouragement, threats, bribes... whatever it takes!
(This is what happens when I try writing a post while watching the movie, The Tracey Fragments...)
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Verbalizing confusing thoughts will help- even if they are in conflict with one another. Just getting it out makes a difference. And, I know you will persevere through all 6 treatments!
ReplyDeleteI'd take it one round of chemo at a time. Everyone is different and reacts differently to chemo. If might not be as bad as you think it's going to be. Personally, I haven't met anyone who never made it through the first six rounds.
ReplyDeleteMy own experience has shown me that when I feel sorry for myself I feel bad physically and emotionally.
Attitude is EVERYTHING.
You can do it!!! I'm here for ya and so are a great big group of other cheerleaders.
ReplyDeleteGo, Annabelly, go!!!
xx,
m a
You are such a beautiful light shining on any group of people you're hanging out with. I refuse to imagine that face not there! I will imagine your complete recovery!
ReplyDeleteEven if the road is littered with boulders and nails and drop offs like the Jungo Road from Winnemucca to Gerlach in Nevada, you're going to make it! Let all of those who love you bring you spare tires!
I'm glad I'll be back in the Bay Area in September so you can call upon me for some of the tires!
-Zanne